Wandering with An Idiot Abroad

'When [Michael] Palin went around the world in 80 days, I wonder if that was the scheduled time or if he just said "I'm sick of this, can we speed it up?"'
An Idiot Abroad documents unwanted travels by an unwilling participant. Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant decide to send their friend Karl Pilkington around the world to broaden his horizons. In the first series-I haven't completed the second yet- Karl drags his feet to the Seven Wonders of the World (the Colosseum is swapped with the Pyramids because he'd be too comfortable in Rome). Each episode typically features Karl going off to see a 'Wonder' with minimal information about his trip while his friends back in the office(1) routinely derail his journey by creating diversions and adding new tasks- a visit to the Kumbh Mela (a Hindu pilgrimage on the Ganges river), wrestling lessons in Mexico, dancing the Samba in the Rio Carnival, and in the extreme case, a mock-abduction in Jordan. It's basically a human experiment, or as Gervais puts it, an 'expensive practical joke'. Karl Pilkington himself is chronically glum, difficult-to-impress and so utterly disinterested that it is painfully funny to watch him, to the extent that many people are convinced he's playing a character (he isn't). His unsuitability for the role of presenter makes this a travel show that's not travel show-y. You won't find him waxing(2) poetic about local food (watch him in 'China') or dancing with abandon ('Jordan', 'Brazil'). Words like 'vibrant', 'exciting', 'adventure' never escape his lips- the one time he used 'magnificent' was part of a tactic to convince Stephen Merchant that the view he had of Machu Picchu was just as good as being there. He has none of the joy of living that oozes from the pores of many presenters and consequently, this is a refreshingly frank show. More importantly, whether he's downgrading the Great Wall to 'the alright wall of China' or making helpful suggestions for Christ the Redeemer's beard ('They could have just done with chipping a bit more, making it a bit more hairy'), by making him the 'idiot' in the title, the joke is always on him. This can make for uneasy viewing. While it's exciting (vibrant! adventurous!) to see the next mad thing that they'll have Karl do, there are moments when it's borderline mean. Stuck in the Amazonian rainforest soon after being on a plane for hours, in the heat, with no food but insects (and crisps, he always brings crisps), he stares into the camera and says that he's genuinely angry and upset and doesn't know how he can convey this. We are suddenly reminded that he is enduring quite a bit for our amusement. I won't call it bullying, as many people are almost conditioned to say when it's anything Gervais, but there's certainly a trade-off to be made between entertainment and complicity. Because of course, he isn't an idiot. A lot of the observations he makes are searingly accurate- that the cemetery in Mexico suggests that death can be celebrated, and a lot of his concerns valid and sensitive- if he's not a believer, won't attending the Kumbh Mela be disrespectful to those who are? It also strikes me that this show can also be valuable source of information for students of anthropology, religion, sociology, history. Travellers aren't all curious, truth-seeking adventurers, 'heritage' may not be palatable, and encounters can expose prejudices. It's not that we don't already know this but it's rare for a travel documentary to lay them bare. So yes, there's a lot about Karl and the show that can impress us. But what is Karl not impressed by?

• Karl is not impressed by the Great Wall of China: 'You can see it for miles. Like, it goes over the hills and stuff for miles...but so does the M6.' (3)
• Karl is not impressed by devotees at the Kumbh Mela: 'I thought they'd be sort of more religious looking, you know, prim and proper. This one hasn't even got pants on.'
• Karl is not impresssed by the Chichen Itza: 'It's alright, yeah, it's just a big pyramid.'
• Karl not impressed by the Petra audioguide: 'He said Petra is Latin for... I've forgotten what it is.'
• Karl is not impressed by the Pyramids: 'I'm not worried about who built them because it's ages ago, really. When I first bought my first house, I didn't go: 'who built it?' I want to know: 'is it safe?'
• Karl is not impressed by Christ The Redeemer: 'From a distance, Jesus, top of a hill, looking like he's about to bungee jump. You pass it, you go: 'great, there he is, what else are we doing?'
• Karl is momentarily impressed by dolphins in the Amazon but... 'It still all gets on my nerves how people say they're really intelligent because I've never seen them do anything that's blown me away. The way they get raved about... that's what annoys me, because everyone's always calling me a div.' (4)

- (3) Finally, some proper footnotes. The M6 is the longest motorway in the UK. (4) And here's what div means.

Off Course: The Masterchef UK Final

(Spoilers)

I didn't think I'd write a post about the final because, well, what is there is to say? But it might be a good way to round-off the half-baked (1) series blog I kept. So here's a goodbye Masterchef UK post.

On the result
Completely unsurprising, of course. Shelina was always going to win. The only unexpected thing was that nothing unexpected happened to her. Given how obvious her victory was from the start, I thought it was too easy a call, that surely something would happen to upset the flan(2), leaving someone else at the top and the viewers stunned. But slow and steady etc. except that she doesn't have steady hands (she told us so herself) and she's always the first to finish.

On Tom and Andrew
I'm happy for Tom because he got a near-perfect result, and he needed to because his run-up to the finals wasn't as smooth as Shelina's or Andrew's. His dishes looked spectacular. Andrew didn't have as good a day as he could have, did he? He is the sort of cook who experiments though, so if you have to go out on a flaw, at least it's a characteristic flaw rather than a generic 'potatoes didn't boil' situation. But this may not be my finest theory.

On something weird
I didn't like what happened from the time the winner was announced. From a nervous collective, suddenly it was just Shelina, Greg and John in their exclusive champagne party (no plebs, please). I suppose they wanted to avoid the melodrama that Masterchef Australia is sometimes accused of. But would it have been so terribly unfashionable to invite some of the old contestants back-maybe even the judges- and to not push Tom and Andrew out of the room like dregs(3)? The whole two months were condensed into the winner's moment and it's sad that a series that bubbled as nicely as this one did, ended with a squeak(4)

But let's remember
Shelina and her well-deserved victory, Tom against the flattering pastel shades of plastered walls, Peter Griffen, Angry Bird and Lady Grey at the critics table, Scary-Jay at the gym, Afsaneh cackling, Emma improving, Miso ice-ream and whiskey fish. And in-line with the show's obsession with Coldplay, let's end with Greg's epic poem sung to the tune of The Scientist:

Zip Up Yer Boots (Bo-ots if you're singing it properly)
Back to your roots
to the place of your birth
back down to earth.

Bye.

Go Read: Wife in Space

As the BBC in its infinite wisdom has still not put up the final episode of Masterchef on iPlayer (the original transmission would have ended at 10, it's now 11.48) and I'm tired of growling at the screen and refreshing the page, here's a recommendation I've been meaning to make for a while:

Adventures With The Wife In Space: It's a blog based on a simple premise. In the words of the creators- 'A ‘not-we’ wife watches Doctor Who from the very beginning with her fanboy husband.'

Neil and Sue Perryman begin at the very first episode of the show, aired in 1963, and move through all of the 'classic' series. What we get to read are transcripts of Sue's commentary, with interjections (often in the form of trivia) from Neil, as they watch the episodes. The experiment began just over a year ago and they're halfway through the classic series now, having just completed the Jon Pertwee era.

Usually fixated on some detail of carpentry or set-design, often unimpressed and always entertaining, Sue gives us a way of looking at a wonderful show through someone else's eyes. Don't worry about how much of the classic series you need to have watched- remember, you're in the same boat as she is. It's a great way to get acquainted with episodes you haven't seen and to revisit the ones you have- and you'll be laughing throughout. So if you're in any way a fan of Doctor Who, go do some reading. (Even Steven Moffat's doing it).

Off course: Masterchef UK, before the final

I couldn't be happier and I couldn't be more excited. When this series of Masterchef started, I'd predicted quite early on that Tom, Shelina and Andrew would make it to the final four (Aki was the fourth). This isn't to showcase my own prediction skills- they're usually rubbish- but to say that I really think the best cooks are in the finals. That doesn't always happen so it's great when it does. [Hello, Masterchef Australia, season 2; I liked Adam and Callum but Marion should have satayed (1) a little longer].

The last few episodes were a great way to remind those who already knew, and convince those who didn't, of how good they all are. I didn't know there was an episode yesterday, by the bye, so I sauntered off to iplayer only to find that I was already one episode behind. And the finals tomorrow makes it three this week. I think there's someone over at the Beeb who picks a number from a box and that's the number of episodes we get for that week.

But what a good two episodes we just saw. Andrew got hugged like he's never been hugged before by the frightening-looking chef at the restaurant in Amsterdam. The French chef in Dorchester even got his own subtitles only to have them mysteriously disappear while he was speaking. And we met a couple of 'regulars' at Shelina's Bruges restaurants who pop in now and again to have a 90 euro starter. This is where I do some good old proletarian sour-grape(2) throwing: O.O.O.

Everytime I see a clip of Tom running around, a part of me dies. Really, why does every 'it's all going wrong' sentiment have to be backed up by a clip of him running around? He's my favourite of the three but I don't think he's going to win. He's inventive, skilled and worked exceptionally well in the most recent episode, but timing has been a consistent problem of his and it's amusing (3) no one. He's also not been the most consistent cook. Imagine a graph: x axis- inventive, y axis- reliable. Whatever position Jay's on, Tom's would mirror him. No, I don't think it'll be him though I'm desperate to be proved wrong.

My money's on Shelina. She's my least favourite of the three- her canned (4) giggling annoys me to no end. And the exchanges between her and Greg (John too, but more Greg) are becoming more and more embarrassing to watch. But she's the cook who has grown most from the start of the show. She used to be criticized for not being refined enough and playing too safe; she's really moved on from there and I can't remember her having had even one disaster in the kitchen. Also, based purely on pragmatics, since the winner is very likely to start their own restaurant, the fact that she does Mauritian food (or hadn't you noticed?) means she automatically has a niche. But someone please tell her to stop eating into (5) the whole island's supply of mangoes. I can never find any at the shops and it's probably because she's used up the lot.

But Andrew is the best. I think the show can safely release a small stuffed toy of Andrew and it would be best-seller (6); I'd buy hundreds and thousands (7). It could have this string that, when pulled, makes the corners of his face go up, down, up, down, as though he's smiling, then crying, smiling, then crying. He and Tom have a similar cooking profile: Tom's better with desserts, Andrew's more reliable with the staid-cooking stuff, Tom's been more consistent with flavour combinations, Andrew's been better with not repeating mistakes. But he really has a counting problem, doesn't he? With timings, and then with thinking that one mouthful is basically the same as four. Though a close-up of Greg's mouth may justify that.

But here's a question: which person on the show had the biggest transformation? No, it's not Shelina. It's not Tom, it's not Andrew. Hello, MBE for dessert-making woman. Why are you masquerading as Meryl Streep gone to seed (8)? For goodness sake, take that honeycomb Tom made and stick it on your head like a hairband. Ooh, voice spot: hers and that of Joanne Froggatt- Anna in Downton Abbey.

What a lovely chef they had in the kitchen though- Restaurant Gordon Ramsay's way of giving the world something other than a foul (9) tempered (10) nut (11) to listen to. She was helpful and encouraging and, unlike Mike/Jason Atherton, didn't just pay lip service to being strict about what leaves her kitchen. And she seemed very impressed with Tom so I dare say he's got an internship waiting for him when he's done.

Which brings us to tomorrow's episode: Fire Walk With Me. That went fast. The only things I can think of that they should do differently in the next series are: 1. Have a few more contestants to start with. This lot felt two too few. But that was because Emma may or may not have masterminded the disappearance of Ashvi and Jonathan, remember? 2. Bump it up to a consistent two episodes per week once we're at, say, the final six or so. One a week is peanuts (12). 3. Instead of having three different challenges/segments packed into one episode as they had in the earlier rounds, to keep it to two and show more of the actual cooking rather than just starting points and comments.

But who am I kidding? It's been a good run (13).

-
P.S. Some tricky ones to make up for the long silence: (5) Celery (13) Runner beans.

Silence In The Library-

Explains why there have been no new posts in a while and why there won't be any for a few more days. Masterchef fans, this does not mean that I've stopped following the series or that my love for Tom and Andrew has waned. Doctor Who fans, this does not mean that the Eleventh has reached Trenzalore and that The Question has been asked. Arrested Development fans, what this means is that I've started attending the Milford School ('Where children are neither seen nor heard').

Back soon.












You can always tell a Milford Man.

Fallen Silence.
(source)